 |
| Charles Robinson - 1907 |
Yesterday, I witnessed three 10 year old boys hanging out at
the pool. One squirted another with a water blaster, the third boy cried out to
his friend who was being sprayed, “He’s just a bully, let’s not play with him
anymore.”
Is the boy who squirt the water blaster any more of a bully
than the one who labeled him as such?
Are we teaching prejudice when we label children as bullies?
As Christians, how do we handle the issue of bullying with
our own kids?
I know I am tackling an issue with lots of emotions tied to
it. I myself have many emotions attached to the word. I’m not an expert in “bullying”
– I am just a mother who has lived through and is living through a generation obsessed
with the concept of bullying.
I know what it feels like to be the mother of a bullied
child. Remember “My Space”- the social networking site prior to facebook? My
junior high daughter had a “My Space” page entitled “I hate Emily.” The
cowardly, unidentified author of the site proceeded to rip apart my daughter
and write everything negative that he thought about her on the open internet
forum. She cried. I cried. I was angry. The
only redeeming thing about the experience was that she had so many friends defend
her and write sweet things about her on the site. Her friends stood up for her,
and eventually the angry cyber bullying stopped because his comments fell on
deaf ears. I wanted desperately to protect
my daughter – but there was little I could do.
 |
| Charles Folkard - 1921 |
I know what it feels like to be the mother of a “bully.” I
say this very loosely – because I really don’t believe my child is a bully, in
fact I think it is impossible for a three-year old to be a bully- but she has
been labeled as one. You see, my daughter has disabilities which include “behavioral
issues.” I hate the term because it always makes me think that normal
discipline could fix these issues – I also think people have much great
sympathy for those with physical disabilities than with kids who have “behavioral
issues.” But, back to the bullying situation. My daughter can be overly aggressive
without knowing it. She also deals with melt-downs in which she hurts herself,
things, and others in her uncontrollable anger.
The hurting others has cost me relationships – there are friends I have
who will not bring their children around mine because they are afraid my child
with hurt theirs. I rarely leave my daughter – there are only a handful of
places or adults I trust with her. But everywhere
I have ever dropped her off – at church, or nursery situation – I have seen a
toddler run and hide and say, “don’t let her hurt me.” I have witnessed child
care workers talking with each other, and parents talking to each other and I
have heard them say my daughter is a “bully.” I am sad for these other kids –I don’t
want them to be hurt, and I want them to be hurt at the hands of my child even
less. I want desperately to protect my daughter from being labeled a “bully” – but
I don’t always know what to do.
I can tell you from experience that parenting a child labeled a bully is just as painful and heart-wrenching as parenting a child who is bullied.
 |
John
Tenniel - 1865
|
Researching this topic has been eye-opening. Statistics show
that 1 in 4 children claim to have been bullied, and 1 in 5 admits to having
bullied. Sometimes the same child
experiences both sides.
So how should we as Christian parents address the issue?
1) Teach Children to be self-confident.
“Students who have been bullied exhibit depression, low
self-esteem, health problems, poor grades, and suicidal ideation.” BullyingEducation.org
All children will be called names on the playground or be
roughed up a little. If a child is self-confident, he can deal with the
everyday stuff. You, or another adult,
won’t need to step in unless the situation is ongoing or excessive.
How do you teach self-confidence?
Teach
them who they are in Christ. Have them memorize Psalms 139:13-14
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I
praise you(T) because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are
wonderful, I know that full well.”
Tell
them how much you love them, how they are special, and how blessed you are to
have them.
Encourage
them to try new things, and get them involved in things they love and things
they are good at – but don’t
pressure them to be the best or perfect.
Surprisingly, I have seen my 16 year old son “bullied.” But
when asked, he states he has never been bullied. I believe it is because he
feels good about himself, believes the best in others, and forgives easily, so
he is able to let hurtful words slide off of him easily.
2) Teach children to be kind.
Memorize
Eph 4:29
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that
it may benefit those who listen.”
Have
your home be a positive place where children can be themselves and kind words
are spoken.
I attended my dad’s 30th high school class
reunion. My dad was a sports star, so when one of his classmates ask me, “Do
you know what I remember most about your dad?” I assumed he’d tell me the story
of an amazing touch down. Instead he said, “I can’t remember your dad ever
saying anything negative about anyone.” Wow. 30 years after graduation –that is
what is remembered! I want my kids to learn this lesson and be remembered for
the same.
3) Teach your children to love people.
Teach
your kids to encourage the kids who are being bullied
Matthew
25:40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of
the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.
Teach
kids to stand up for those being bullied
“Bystanders too suffer from bullying which goes on around
them. They suffer from feelings of guilt, fear, powerlessness and, if the
adults fail to react and to put an end to it, they often find themselves
joining in. They become frustrated by the lack of action on the part of the
adults and the inability of the victim to stand up for themselves. Later in
life these same students suffer from feelings of guilt and depression for not
having done more to help a classmate.” BullyingEducation.org
Teach
your kids to love those who are bullies – kids bully for many different reasons
– but most have deep hurts, dysfunctional
families, suffer from low self-esteem or simply do not have social skills.
Matthew
5: 44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”
When Emylee was in swimming, a boy came into her club. No
one liked him, but Emylee was kind. One day the boy lost it – he matched into
the pool area – said hello to Emylee and went into the locker rooms where he
took out a BB gun and shot some of the boys. He was sent to a detention center and when
asked, he said he did not shoot Emylee because she is the only one at swim who
had ever been nice to him.
4) Have open communication with your kids and step in when
needed
Listen
to kids when they talk about the stuff you don’t care about, so they will come
to you when they are being bullied –
many times listening is all a child needs to recover from the hurt
Take
kids seriously – kids handle bullying differently, and you will know when your
child has had enough and can’t
deal with it themselves – this is when you must step in and protect him
5) Model godly love and social skills
Learn
who you are in Christ and live in it
Be kind
with your words – it’s easy to be kind those you love , but are you kind to the
lady in the checkout line who
is price checking every item, while you wait with your 3 toddler screaming in the cart?
Love others – how do your kids
see you reacting to those who are unkind to you?
Remember - Your children will
act like you do when placed in a social situation
 |
| Gwynedd M. Hudson -1922 |
Bullying
is a tough issue. It is not a new one,
but has become a social buzz word. Let’s not buzz ourselves and label children
as bullies. Bad behavior must be dealt with – but labels can harm someone for a
lifetime. Let’s raise confident Christian
kids who can positively impact both the bullies and those being bullied.
