Humpty Dumpty

Sometimes I feel like Humpty-Dumpty

Sitting upon the narrow wall, smiling –

as if I hadn’t a care in the world–

But don’t be fooled by my facade

Because inside, I’m scared I’m going to fall

and crumble into pieces that no one will be able to put together again.

Outside I look whole – but inside I’m coming undone. What can I do?

The the Word of the Lord came to me saying:

I know your hurts. I have collected all your tears in a bottle. (Ps 56:8)

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God! (Ps 43:5)

He sends forth His word and heals me. (Ps 107:20)

O Lord my God, I cried to You and You have healed me. (Ps 30:2) 

Surely He has borne our griefs (sicknesses, weaknesses, and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains [of punishment], yet we [ignorantly] considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy]. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole. (Is 53:4 – 5)

He picked up all the pieces and put me back together again.

He not only heals my wounds, but renews my joy.

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).(John 10:10)

Jesus said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? "See My hands and My feet, that it is I Myself; touch Me and see, for a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have." (Luke 24:39)

Nail scared hand and feet, remained on Jesus' perfected resurrected body – so people would see and believe. Likewise, I pray that as he heals my wounds, He leaves scares – so others can see God’s healing power and believe in the God who is my Counselor, my Abba Father, my Comforter, and my Healer. 

Resolve to Not Resolve

I could make a resolution to

Eat Healthy and Clean -
You try doing this while cooking for 3 families living in your home, three to six extra teens,
a grown child and grandchild - and still having money
for the occasional Starbucks

  Keep the house spotless clean –Ha! I live with a toddler and a teenage, and on an average day have a dozen people coming in and out of my house.

  Never get mad at my husband – I’ll make this resolution if he resolves to never make me mad

 Always be patient –Even when a child pees on my floor, colors on my walls, or a teen misses the “basket” with the Dr Pepper can, then leaves the trash on the floor

Keep the car clean – I can’t make this on for the shear selfishness of it - what would my husband do for fun on the weekends if I did?

  Get more sleep –I could drug Kymee, shut down the teens gaming system, and kick the newborn living with us to the street

Have more facebook friends – seriously, I have no time to keep up with my current friends, why do 
I care what people I knew 30 years ago are doing? (No offense current “old” friends – you’re the ones who made the cut)

Have more time to myself -
Should have thought of this one when we were almost empty nesters
and decided to adopt a baby

So much for resolutions I won’t make. So what is my resolution?

In 2014 I resolve . . . not to resolve.

I am a planner. I love to plan everything to a tee. I set goals, schedules and plan accordingly. I have a list of long term, short term and immediate goals. Then God messes them up. He never allows me to stay in my box. So often he has greater things in store for me than I could even imagine. If 2013 taught me anything it was that sometime the interruption is more important than the goal down the road. I don’t regret a minute of the time I changed my plans to sit with my Mami while she was dying. I don’t regret the counseling thrown into our schedule, but not planned for.

So this year, I’ll make plans. I’ll follow them until God tells me otherwise – but I resolve to day by day be open to whatever He wants me to do, and be willing to change direction whenever He calls me to do so. I resolve to wake up every day and say, “God what do you have in store for me today?” And if I don’t hear back from Him, I go about my plans – which have been prayed over as well.

   I resolve to stop cleaning my house if a “chatty” friend stops by to talk about her troubled child – and just sit and listen.

I resolve to  stop mid-sentence and pray when led by the Holy Spirit

I resolve to stop “schooling” if a friend or family member is in need of help – this is a much greater lesson than math anyway.

 I resolve to stop watching my favorite TV show when my husband calls from a business trip

I resolve – Not to resolve what God wants me to do, but to be open, waiting and willing for Him to lead me daily into the unknown.